I come from two generations of healers and psychotherapists, and so really it should not have come as a surprise to me that I have landed in the healing arts, and yet I resisted the call for many years. But finally I have begun to embrace this call and since doing so my path has begun to blossom.
When I was just two or three years old I used to go around the house and garden and collect useful things into little bags. My parents said I was practicing my skills as a medicine woman.
When I got to college I took the popular path of pre med, with dreams of one day becoming a midwife. But the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college a tragedy struck my life that shook me to my core. My first love, the man I thought I would one day marry, died of an overdose. He had been struggling with addiction for about 5 years, but I had foolishly thought I could save him. And no, I was not trying to do this alone. His parents, and a whole assortment of addiction counselors had been involved too. But when he died, I unconsciously took on the story that it was my fault. And the belief that if I loved I would either lose myself or the one that I loved. It spun my inner world into chaos, making me question everything, but especially myself. And I turned away from the healing arts.
I had to first heal myself. It took almost four years before I made any real progress. And towards the end of those four years I was suicidally depressed. But finally, with the help and support of many I went through a journey of transformation that required much personal courage and vulnerability. And I began to shift the story I was living.
I gave back the power of choice to the young man I had loved, realizing I was doing him no service by saying it was me who had had the power of his life or death in my hands. And in doing so I set him free and began to set myself free. I forgave all those I was still blaming for not having been able to help me save him. And lastly I forgave myself for not having been able to save him.
I learned to love again, but without losing myself in love and instead honoring both myself and my partner’s free will to create our lives. And I learned to trust that honoring me would not lead to loss and tragedy, but abundance and love. And I learned this all slowly, and with support, holding myself with love and patience, as I first became aware of my stories, then shifted them mentally, and began the sometimes messy process of shifting them in my whole being, down to the vibrational level. This required summoning the courage to test the new stories in the real world, and test them again and again, until I began to trust in my body that they were now true.
And slowly, a the belief began to form that I could actually make any story true, by living into it fully until I embodied it within every vibrational cell.
And this is the ultimate freedom that I hope to open my clients to the possibility of.
It was about two years ago that the yearning to be a healer began to awaken again. But it was still fraught with fear of failure and not being enough. But spirit gave me an easy way in with a dream that I was doing Thai Massage. Bodywork was an easy, low risk way for me to enter back into the healing arts. And it is still such a joyous place for me to play and give and support my clients. And I am excited to continually learn new modalities and deepen my capacity to support my clients on all levels.
I continually remind myself that, although support is invaluable, each individual has total choice in their own healing journey. So I hold the container for you to meet with yourself, to listen to yourself, to tune into you and what you need. And then am there to hold your hand if you choose to do the most courageous thing you will ever do, which is allow yourself to believe something new and the test that new belief in the real world. But you choose the pace and how far you want to go, each step of the way.